The Apocolypse

Carlos Silva is currently 6-0 with a sub-4 ERA. By all accounts, no Cubs players or personnel have been eaten this season either. What is happening in the world!?

Here are just a few other things I thought would happen before seeing old fatty performing well at anything other than a hot dog eating contest:

• Yuniesky Betancourt plays baseball at a level above that of an 8th Grader.


• I have 4 children.


• Troy Polamalu gets a buzzcut.


• LeBron James signs with the Seattle SuperSonics.


• Rob Johnson switches positions and becomes a catcher.


• Kyle Wellwood weighs in at under 500 pounds.


• Rick Rypien literally fights a grizzly bear.


• David Thompson reveals that he does not know the rules of basketball, merely those of dunksetball.

The Perils of NBA Fandom

As I'm sure you are all painfully aware, the Seattle Supersonics don't exist anymore. Yes, the team sadly could not draw enough fans in its short 40 year existence, and never had any truly influential players besides Jack Sikma, Dennis Johnson, Fred Brown, Spencer Haywood, Gary Payton, Shawn Kemp, Nate McMillan, and Detlef Schrempf.

Regardless of my opinions on the Supersonics, my fandom has been on a wayward journey, searching for something new. So far, I've whet my appettite by rooting for the Blazers and Mavericks, but never truly felt any connection to either. As such, I have decided to open it up to you, the reader, to help me decide my new NBA team. Below are the various pluses and minuses I see for each, but feel free to make your argument in the comments. I plan on unveiling my new choice in the coming weeks.

Atlanta Hawks: Seattle connection with Marvin Williams and Jamal Crawford, plus they're crazy exciting.
Boston Celtics: There is no good reason to root for the Boston Celtics.
Charlotte Bobcats: Grandparents live near there, plus I like defense.
Chicago Bulls: Joakim Noah is hilarious.
Cleveland Cavaliers: Bandwagoning is always fun, and Craig Ehlo played there!
Denver Nuggets: A very exciting offensive team, and tattoos make people cool.
Dallas Mavericks: Nobody tries harder and is more fun than Mark Cuban and Dirk.
Detroit Pistons: Stuckey used to beat my high school a lot I guess?
Golden State Warriors: LOOK HOW FAST MONTA ELLIS IS!!!!
Houston Rockets: Everybody loves the team that wins by weird statistical analysis.
Indiana Pacers: Uh, Troy Murphy?
Los Angeles Clippers: Baron Davis is hilarious and we bearded folk stick together.
Los Angeles Lakers: Everybody loves a winner. Also, everyone loves DJ Mbenga.
Miami Heat: Because nobody can resist Michael Beasley's fro.
Memphis Grizzlies: Mayo and Gay are funny names.
Minnesota Timberwolves: Kevin Love is adorable when he thinks he can play basketball.
Milwaukee Bucks: I like defense. I like foreign players. Perfect fit?
New Jersey Nets: We Americans traditionally love mysterious Russians, right?
New York Knicks: Mike D'Antoni makes sure both teams score a couple hundred.
New Orleans Hornets: David West went to Xavier, and I like Xavier.
Orlando Magic: Well dunks are fun, and threes are fun, so....
Oklahoma City Thunder: Just kidding, fuck them.
Phoenix Suns: Steve Nash is the funniest and/or best Canadian ever born.
Portland Trailblazers: Lots of Seattle connections, plus I live in Oregon most of the year.
Philadelphia 76ers: I'll have to pay attention enough to know who's on their roster.
San Antonio Spurs: Defense. Defense. George Hill, IUPUI alum. Defense.
Sacramento Kings: Hawes AND Brockman? AND the worst coach in NBA history!?
Toronto Raptors: Sometimes absolutely no defense at all is fun too.
Utah Jazz: Because I'm white.
Washington Wizards: I'm a gun enthusiast?

Great Sports Movies

In honor of the 17 year and approx 45 day anniversary of The Sandlot's release I have decided to use this post to open up a comment section about great sports movies. In order to get the conversation going compile a list of 3 of my favorite sports movies with a brief description of each and why I think they are great.



1.The Sandlot: A true timeless American classic. This movie follows the summer vacation of a group of neighborhood friends, using baseball as the unifying theme. The story is told through the voice of the newest member of the group Smalls. The movie is great. It is full of many memorable characters like Hamilton "Ham" Porter, Benny "the Jet" Rodriguez and Michael "Squints" Palledorous. Additionally all generations can relate to the kids and there summer adventure.



2. 61*: The story of one of the greatest personal record chases ever. This movie recounts the summer of 1961 and Roger Marris's chase of Babe Ruth's single season homerun record. This movie is great because it shows you the personal side of what Roger Marris had to go through. It also examines Marris's relationship with the other Yankee great Mickey Mantle. A true baseball fan will also love the awesome baseball imagery and history that is everywhere in this movie.



3. Basketball: This movie is super funny. Two lovable losers invent their own sport, a cross between baseball and basketball, and become nation sports icons. The lovable losers are played by Matt Stone and Trey Parker. It does a great job of making fun of sports without insulting the thing so many Americans hold dear.

State of the (Husky) Union

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010. A day that will live in infamy for Husky fans. The day Terrence Jones decided he'd rather not be a decent human being.

Let me get this out now, as I'm sure some of our readers (read: all) are Seattle area guys and as such at least have fleeting fandom for the Huskies. First off, I totally and completely believe that John Calipari committed a recruiting violation. By this, I do not merely mean the phone call he made immediately after Jones committed to U.W.; that is merely a sleazy, classless act. I full believe that what he said then or in the next few days involved some sort of violation, hopefully one he will actually be punished for this time. God knows he has it coming to him.

Now, however devasted this may feel right now, it isn't the end of the world. The Huskies have a very good recruiting class regardless, a testament to what Romar has made the program. Guys like Desmond Simmons and Terrence Ross fit the basic Husky mold of being oddly long guards with ridiculous athleticism. Aziz N'Diaye brings a toughness we haven't had for awhile in the middle, but with height as well. C.J. Wilcox is coming of a redshirt and is supposed to be the best shooter on the team.

Even with all the positives, this whole offseason leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Both Enes "Ottoman Empire" Kanter and Terrence "Oregon Sucks" Jones would have helped the program immensely, but instead decided to go to Kentucky despite having committed to U.W. beforehand. Both of these men have souls and I hope they are utter failures. We still have the core of last year's great team and it's still a weak league, so keep your chin up. If all else fails, the football team is on the up and up, and everybody on the Huskies actually gets their degrees in 4 or 5 years, rather than use college as nothing more than a bullshit joke, a la John "Satan" Calipari. Hooray having scruples, Lorenzo Romar!

Irrational Reputations

I've always wondered why some players are thought of as part of an upper echelon that nothing in their performance ever supports. Every sport has a few players that year after year are projected to tear up the league. Even in the middle of disappointing seasons, these players continually are put on a pedestal reserved for exceptional players that they simply don't belong on.

Players like this all have varying reasons why they are seen as so good. Lamar Odom produces some big rebounding numbers that make him look like something beyond a good bench player. Jon Lester's place on one of baseball's biggest teams makes him seem better than his above-average stats would imply. Daniel Briere put up big numbers playing with one of the better lines in hockey back in his Buffalo days. Shawne Merriman is a bad person who has sold his soul.

Whatever the reason, these players pop up all over. My point here is, why? Why do we insist on placing these labels on players who don't deserve it? It seems that this comes down to a couple of reasons, one of which is that exposure increases value.

Players like Odom and Lester play for some of the most popular teams in their sports and as such, are seen across the nation repeatedly. When trying to think of talented players, why wouldn't one first turn to the occasionally excellent outfielder they see every week rather than the consistent player they see only for allstar weekend?

This brings me to another point: exciting stats. When a player like Baron Davis is raining down threes from halfcourt or dunking over Robin Lopez, why wouldn't anyone think he was great? Certainly, amazing plays stick in our mind longer than the routine, but one must always remember that amazing plays don't necessarily bely amazing players. Furthermore, players who used to be so outstanding (Manny Ramirez, Paul Kariya, Edgerrin James) have cemented so many great memories in our minds that it can be very hard to think of them as below average. These issues are only compounded by my above point of exposure. If the only play I see Monta Ellis make all year is a one-handed tomahawk dunk from the free throw line, of course I'm going to assume he's an elite player.

My point can be boiled down to just a few simple issues: don't let your eyes deceive you. Programs like SportsCenter are designed specifically to show the coolest plays of the night, but don't let this color your impression of players. No sports fan can possibly watch enough of every team to have a good opinion about every player, but simply try to see enough to know whether David Ortiz is actually any good or whether he's simply a strikeout prone fat guy. Because nothing ruins my day like hearing somebody tell me that Dwight Howard is unstoppable because he can dunk.

Mike Sweeney Can Hit?

Three consecutive games with one home run. A four game hit streak. Ten hits in the last ten games. A stolen base (and third no less!).

Yes, its finally happened. Mike Sweeney has not only been a useful baseball player over the last couple weeks, but has been GOOD. At baseball! It's unbelievable I know, but it has happened. Somehow, the man affectionately known as 6-4-3 (thanks to USS Mariner for the nickname) actually has skills beyond hugging everyone and speaking Spanish.

By no means will this continue to happen. Not to be a downer, but Mike Sweeney is 37 years old and hasn't been healthy enough to play in the field regularly since 2002. Hell, the guy hasn't played a full season since 2005, and hasn't really been useful since then either.

Even so, revel in his current success. Sure it makes absolutely no sense, but I don't really care. In fact, I've thought about it enough to come up with a few possible reasons why Mike Sweeney has suddenly hit like a baseball player:

• Stole all Jose Lopez's usefullness from last year.


• Umpires love him to much to tell him he struck out ten pitches ago.


• Alonzo Powell has given Sweeney a power ring, a la Captain Planet and the Planeteers.


• Actually Milton Bradley in whiteface.


• Balls feel so bad for him that they insist on leaving the yard to make him feel better.

Whatever the reason, Mike Sweeney has been one of if not the best Mariner the last few days, and i applaud him for it. God forbid, I may not even get to call him 6-4-3 much longer (the name would of course be inherited by Casey Kotchman, who has grounded out 70% of the time this month and has 2 hits). Now if only we can convince Figgins that a single is basically the same as a walk...

Soccer: Not Actually as Bad as it Sounds

Over the years, I've made fun of soccer a lot. Indeed, my hate of soccer is as deep as my love for Ben Broussard, who I will always love for hitting my called shot. Even so, I have recently come to at least respect and live with soccer.

Yes, I know, it's crazy to think that I would ever allow such a thing to happen. Hell, all of those stupid looking Europeans standing around gently kicking a ball back and forth just isn't my thing (in hockey, they gently hit it with a stick, totally different).

Still, soccer has finally gained a spot in my mind as something that can be tolerated. Maybe it's the emergence of the Sounders as a Seattle favorite now that the Sonics have become the Oklahoma City Stupidfaces. Maybe it's the upcoming World Cup. Whatever it is that has driven me there, I can now sit through at least a half of soccer without feeling a deep disappointment.

Now, in no way does this mean I'm advocating going out and watching soccer at every moment. Hell, I don't plan on ever writing about soccer again. All I'm saying is yes, soccer is as much a sport as anything else and I understand why others enjoy it. I of course don't enjoy watching or playing it, but that doesn't mean it's not worthy of my respect. All I know for sure is that if the USA doesn't win the World Cup, obviously the whole thing is fixed.

The End of a Beard

The Vancouver Canucks lost today. It was a sad day today for anyone who likes humane, respectable hockey players (read: anyone not on the Chicago Blackhawks). Even so, regardless of my beliefs on the unsportsmanlike behavior of the Chicago organization from top to bottom, this too means the end of my playoff beard.

We had a good run, beard. Indeed, this year looked different than others. The Canucks had put together a strong blueline and had amazing forwards, something that I hadn't seen in years. Hell, Henrik Sedin cemented himself not only as an allstar, but as the shoo-in MVP this season, and Daniel's stats were just as good per game (Henrik put up 1.36 points a game to Daniel's 1.35). Ryan Kesler continued his growth into one of the best defensive forwards in the game and Alex Burrows became a man hated deeply by everyone outside of the Vancouver fanbase thanks to Pierre MacGuire.

Even so, your days were doomed as soon as the injuries hit, beard. Sure, the Canucks stood tall even without Willie Mitchell, Sami Salo, and Kevin Bieksa for extended periods. Hell, the team managed to play through Andrew Alberts' existence, who is the equivilent of Glenallen Hill for hockey speed.

Unfortunately, I should have know better than to believe in you. Luongo reverted back to his playoff expertise, giving up soft goals, and the penalty kill evaporated into a laughably terrible group. Sadly, beard, your days are over. Hopefully, with a bit of health, the development of Cody Hodgson into liquid awesome, and Luongo learning how to play like a real goalie in big games, next year will be special. I hope to see you again, beard, and let's all hope I get to keep you till the Cup is raised over the heads of the Canucks (at least for the brief time before Kyle Wellwood devours it).

Rob Johnson

For a career Rob Johnson is a major league catcher. He wears the pads, he lets his mitt hit the ball, he stands in the batters boxes, and he walks to the mound. Most importantly though he stand on the mound and speaks to the pitchers. He speaks so well while out on the mound that the Mariners pitching staff praises him at everyone opportunity. None of us can know for sure what it is Rob says while he is out there standing next to the pitcher. However, based on my astute lip reading skills I figure it is something like, "way to go", "You're the best", or "Dont worry about those three homers, I still like you!" Pitchers like that.

Some of you might think that paying a guy $412,500 to hit under .150, committed passed balls, and give pitcher compliments seems like a lot. It is not. Consider what the M's pay the other feel good guys, Griffey and Sweeney. Mike Sweeney gets $650,000 to swing wildly at every pitch and give bear hugs, while Ken Griffey Jr gets $2,350,000 to tickle Ichiro and hit weak ground balls to second.

Also, another positive thing about Rob Johnson is he walks and walks alot this year. He has an OBP of .302. That is .152 higher then his average. Not many guys can say that their OBP is .150 higher then their AVG. Sure he has also 16 times compared to 11 walks but ignore that, this OBP is .150 higher then his AVG!

On a serious note: I hate watching Rob Johnson.

Sources: ESPN.com

The Viewer's Bias

It happens to the best of us (read: me). Any game we're watching is instantly changed by terrible officiating that directly leads to our team losing. It happened in the UW-UConn game in 2006 (and in 1998 if you ask my dad), it happens in Mariners game, it happens everywhere.

Of course, almost every time this happens, its more a case of the viewer's bias than anything else. More often than not, important games are officiated very well, Super Bowl Forty of course exempted. I've taken it on myself to work extremely hard to seperate my own personal bias from watching games as well as I can. Certainly its hard to admit that say the Husky men's team wasn't as good as Purdue two years ago, but I've gotten to the point that I can.

The point is, just how much bias should one allow in their sports viewing? It makes no sense for someone to sit and not care at all about the outcome, that's just not as fun. Without any emotional investment in the game, sports becomes nothing more spectacular than doing taxes. However, too much emotional investment can lead to one creating ridiculous conspiracy theories as to why their team lost an important game or can't win the championship (here's looking at you, fans of every Boston sports franchise).

Obviously, the viewer should be emotionall involved. All I am attempting to suggest is that don't get so into it that its impossible to accept any failure. Mike Jensen is going to commit stupid fouls. Marcus Trufant is going to pass interfere every single time. It happens. Let it go and move on with the game, nothing will change it. One day, your team is bound to win a big game thanks to something rather questionable (this does not apply to the Cubs, who will never win anything). With the idea not to let any failures linger in the mind, one can actually enjoy a game while still being emotionally invested in the outcome. Except for games in which Felix Hernandez pitches; every run score against him is cheating.

Milton Bradley: Realizes He's A Six Year Old Child

Milton Bradley officially issued a statement saying he will be undergoing professional counselling for his personal issues and has spoken to team management asking for their support and help. Perhaps I crucified him a bit too soon and too thoroughly.

This is a huge step for Milton. Throughout his whole career and, by all accounts, in the years before that, Milton has had huge anger issues. Not just in that he goes off easily, but that he takes offense at idle comments. In no way does this excuse Milton's actions; he still should easily be able to hve noticed what he was doing was wrong.

The point is, Milton has finally realized that he has problems and that it isn't everyone around him that is wrong. Even more impressive is that he is letting others help him. If Milton has expressed any one thing in his career it is his desire to be completely independent of all those around him. However, in this case, he has finally allowed others to help. As they say, admitting you have a problem is the first step, and hopefully this leads to Milton reforming his attitude and living a happier life both in baseball and in all other areas. Good luck to the man, and hopefully he doesn't disappoint.

Milton Bradley, Six Year Old Child

Originally I planned on writing a post on one of my favorite Mariners throughout the years, Mike Cameron, today. Unfortunately, Milton Bradley ruined that, much like he does with many things.

I've often thought Milton has been nothing but a man with a large temper problem caught in some very unfortunate situations. He takes a lot of heat still for trying to fight an umpire in San Diego, though everyone seems to forget that it has been confirmed by many of the players nearby that the umpire had thrown some racist slurs at Milton beforehand. Honestly, I've always felt bad for the guy; it's tough enough to be the guy that goes off at the smallest thing, I can only imagine how bad it must be when you must spend every day in front of millions of people.

Even so, I can't in good conscience forgive him any longer. Sure, I'm a Mariners fan, so what he's doing now hits closer to home than a lot of his other crap. And sure, his lack of hustle these last few weeks is nothing different than what he's done anywhere else. However, never have I heard of an athlete in any sport simply walking out on his team, let alone in the middle of the game.

If you didn't hear what happened, or simply didn't care enough to read about it, Milton Bradley struck out looking in a recent game with the bases loaded. As such, Milton berated the umpire, going so far as to continue yelling at him from the dugout (your guess is as good as mine as to how he didn't get thrown out). Manager Don Wakamatsu did his best to console him, which of course led to Milton Bradley declaring he would no longer play for the Mariners, packing his locker, and leaving the game in the 6th inning.

This is ridiculous. I've seen plenty of kids in youth baseball leagues quit in the middle of a game because they were doing bad, but a 31 year old professional? There is absolutely no excuse for this kind of behavior. Hell, even the kids who do it usually get reprimanded and I've never seen one leave their team forever over it. Milton Bradley seems to think he is above everything around him and can do whatever he wants, and frankly I'm tired of him feeling so entitled. I say, let him leave.

Of course, if he does leave the team, that means we can void his contract, pay him nothing, and instead pay Jermaine Dye to hit better and be half the asshole. Problem solved.

Mike Cameron

Even without a history of success, Mariners fan have always amazed me with their unrequited love of some players. Guys like Dan Wilson or Jay Buhner will never have to pay for anything in the state of Washington again and neither of them is exactly Hall of Fame worthy. Yet even with the astounding number of fan favorites, I've never truly understood why Mike Cameron can't get more love.

Throughout his career, and certainly in his prime here in Seattle, Cameron was by far the best defensive centerfielder in baseball. Sure, he batted about .250 his whole time here and his OBP was never significantly higher, but he hit enough homeruns to help balance that out a bit (and he certainly tried to hit a homerun every chance he got). Now I understand he only played four years here, but Joey cora was here about the same period and I know people who would marry him if the opportunity arose. You know who you are and seriously, back off him, you're not even gay, and I'm pretty sure Cora's married anyways.

But I digress. Mike Cameron has never been anything if not a class act and was always open with the Seattle media in his time here. He's always seemed an affable, likeable man and certainly has always produced on the field. Cameron was a part of some of the best Mariners teams of all time. yet, nobody ever seems to really mention him amongst their favorites.

Now I'm not arguing for Cameron to be listed among the all-time Mariner greats or to have his number retired. All I'm saying is he doesn't get the respect he's due from Mariners fans. The man gave his best years to Seattle and has never asked for anything back, but i don't think I've ever met someone who thought of him as their favorite player or really anything close.

Maybe it's because we had to trade Griffey to get him. Maybe it was because he collected strikeouts like a fat kind hoards Abba Zabbas. All i'm asking is for Cameron to be given the same due Seattle fans give to Cora or Freddy Garcia. Bring him back for a first pitch or do some commentary when he's retired. I know it'll be tough to get him to do much right now thanks to his insistence on still being good at baseball, but I can only hope Seattle gives Mike Cameron his due and appreciates him as one of the most likable and important Mariners to ever play.

The Mariner and Home Runs: Dead Ball Era Revisited

As you may have noticed the Seattle Mariners don't have much power this year on their team. So far through 24 games they have hit 9 homers. If they continue on at this rate they are on a pace to hit 60.75 HR all year. The Mariners can't possibly keep up this record setting pace of un-power can they?

To help try and answer that question I looked at the combined HR totals of all the position players currently on the roster form 2009. Last year the Mariners current players hit a total of 122 homers. That is a good sign. We can even take away the 19 that Griffey hit and the M's were still at 103.

Also a season ending HR total of 60 would be completely unheard of in this era. The lowest HR total by a team in the last 10 years is 94 by the 2008 Giants. The average lowest is 114.27HR. You have to go back to 1991 to find a team that hit less 70 HR and that was the Cardinals with 68.

Basically the Mariners current HR rate is unsustainable. They are going to start hitting homers eventually. They are going to have to hit them in bunches. That or they are going to bring back the Deadball era.