Kelly Jennings is Gone

"Not fair! No jumping!"

As of today, Kelly Jennings, master defender, is no longer a Seattle Seahawk (or really any kind of Seahawk.)  This may not be forever, but we can always dream that it is.  The Seahawks traded the former first round pick; drafted in front of Mathias Kiwanuka, Greg Jennings, and Maurice Jones-Drew, to name a few, to the Cincinnati Bengals today for DT Clinton McDonald, who I am sure is a football player.  That's right, the Seahawks managed to take a low first round pick from a few years back and turn it into a 2009 7th rounder who has played 8 games in his one year.

A Few Tidbits from Around the Web: Larry Bernandez Takes Over the Baseball World

The Seattle Mariners have had a runaway success with their Larry Bernandez commercial. The supposedly fake star of the commercial has become one of the fan favorites. Jerseys have popped up all over Seattle and people have even taken to dressing like the "star". It makes you wonder if the Mariner's marketing guys had any idea what they were creating. As such, I see it as fitting to dedicate this edition of Tidbits to Larry Bernandez.

• The commercial that started it all.
• The newest commercial from the Mariners adds to the legend of Larry.
• Nike has even got in on the action releasing a Hair-itage shirt.
• He has even taken over the King's Court.

Best Player Ever: Matt Stairs Retires

Your Uncle Matt.

Reading through a Joe Posnanski article (read him, then you'll know nothing I do is original), I found this stat line:

.262/.356/.490
.262/.356/.477

The top is Reggie Jackson's career line, the bottom Matt Stairs'.  It seems a bit ridiculous to look at that and realize just how close some of their overall stats were if you eliminated the 6000 more at-bats that Reggie had.  Matt Stairs, of all people, has numbers like a historically great power hitter.  If you really think about it, though, why not?  The man swung for the fences literally every single time he came up to the plate, and, despite a diet of beer and more beer, he had a lot of power in him.

Mariners Acquire Funny Names

Thank goodness he's wearing pants.

On some teams, you're lucky if the funniest name available happens to be "Casper," and why not?  It's a solid name, fairly fun sounding but not ridiculous.  There is no shame in a team having a Casper as their funniest player name.  The Mariners, of course, aspire for only the greatest in all aspects of their organization (editor's note: except the baseball part), and as such not only acquired one Casper Wells, but also the immortal Charlie Furbush.

Alright, to be fair, the Mariners had to pay a high price to acquire such hilarity.  Yes, Doug Fister (you barely even know 'er!) will be sorely missed, both for his pitching ability and his hilarious, juvenile name.  I mean, the Mariners really had never been graced with such a hilarious name as Doug Fister in their history, but I suppose the public wanted a less horrifying image brought up by their funny names.  Now Charlie Furbush?  Come on now. Family appeal right there, that's for sure.  That may just be the greatest last name in sports since Gerald Firecrotch joined the New York Knicks in the 1960s (look it up.)

NHL Offseason Part 3: The Flames Won't Win It

Champion.

Continuing our 30 part series on why NHL teams suck, let us move on the pride of the worst part of Canada: the Calgary Flames.

1. Centers matter usually:  Quick, name the Flames' first line center.  Stop drinking that hot liquid, because you're about to spit it onto your dinner date for a very embarrassing situation, because it's Olli Jokinen.  Yes, the Olli that was a minus-17 last season.  The Olli that wins a mediocre 47% of his faceoffs and scored a mediore 54 points in 79 games.  The other centers? Matt Stajan and 700-year-old Brendan Morrison.  If you hadn't caught my drift, Olli is very, very mediocre (beyond the occasional mustache he sports.)  Sure, that can be ok for your third-line center (ask Kyle Wellwood!), but you usually want a good player centering Jarome Iginla.  If you agree with this last statement, you obviously don't work in the Flames front office, as they have no desire to bring in any other good players.  Which leads me to....