Washington Basketball: Get Taller!

"No! I said box out!"

Eons ago, the city of Seattle had a professional basketball team.  Yes, a surprise, I know, but it was indeed real.  Strangely enough, the heyday of these "SuperSonics" (who curiosly employed Vin Baker, who no one would describe as moving at sonic speeds) fell in times without Seattle-based players around.  Way back in the late 70s, when denim jackets were cool and people were just starting to hate ABBA, the Sonics were playing for championships.  Guys like "Downtown" Fred Brown and "No Town" Wally Walker were pushing the Sonics into the NBA's elite with staunch defense and a sound strategy of Let-Jack-Sikma-Do-Stuff.

The best Washington-born NBA player of the era? A tie between Steve Hawes and James Edwards, both sound players with long, anonymous careers.  Strange, but perhaps the basketball roots of Seattle were planted here, and the players would be coming soon, right?

In short, no.  The 1980s and 1990s both highlighted the greatest of Washington players; in this case, Doug Christie and the unstoppable Paul Mokeski.  The Sonics continued to thrive, but still the state seemed to lack any amount of good NBA players.

Now, it has been rumored that John Stockton was a.) from Washington and b.) a good NBA player.  This is not correct.  While I barely remember seeing him play on TV even, I have seen John Stockton, and that man is not an NBA player.  That man is an accountant with middle-management possibilities if he just showed some assertiveness.

But I digress.  The state really didn't put out a lot of NBA talent for years and years, until finally, the Sonics left.  Obviously, the team did not leave because the state wasn't putting out NBA players, though this would have been as valid a reason as their justifications.  Regardless of why, the Sonics were no more, moved off to that well known basketball city of Oklahoma City, home of such NBA luminaries as absolutely no black people ever.

With this, it seemed as if the state of Washington disappear from the professional basketball landscape.  Suddenly though, NBA players popped up everywhere.  Jason Terry opened the floodgates, leading the way for Washingtonians such as Rodney Stuckey, Brandon Roy, Martell Webster, and the endless stream of unrelated Williamses (Terrence, Marvin, Marcus...).  For whatever reason, the entire crop of Washington basketball players were coming to fruitition as soon as Washington had lost their NBA team.

This is exceptionally strange, but no more strange than the type of player the state produced.  Outside of Spencer Hawes and Jon Brockman, every Washington player is a guard.  Aaron Brooks, rookie Avery Bradley, Nate Robinson?  All guards, and not exceptionally tall ones at that.  The soon-to-be NBAers follow this trend, with guys like Tony Wroten, Isaiah Thomas, and Gary Bell all filled with promise rather than any growth hormone.

Why is this?  I couldn't tell you.  Sure, the University of Washington's gameplay is partial to guards, but that doesn't change genetics.  Certainly, somewhere in Washington there is somebody over 6'9" with a semblance of NBA talent?  No, not you Bill Russell.  We keep telling you, you're 76 years old, you can't play in the NBA anymore!

Anyways, this leads me to my point: Washington needs to create a couple of tall players.  How?  Obviously, Paul Allen needs to use all of his evil genius wealth and personality to furnish the state with some sort of reverse shrinking ray.  Hire Rick Moranis, surely he can reverse the technology he made in "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" for the sake of all humanity.  As such, I implore you to write to both Allen and Moranis and push for this greatly needed innovation.  Failing that, do everything you can to move the Hornets to Seattle.  Either works.