Battle of the Greats: Brian Cardinal v. Brian Scalabrine

Forever a champion.

Welcome to the first of a (hopefully) long-running and critically acclaimed series, Battle of the Greats.  In this series, we look to compare the best of the best in sports, seeing who was truly better at their prime in order to end age-old arguments.  So we are like the player ranker on Basketball Reference, except you have to read more (Sorry.)  Today's first post looks at some of the greatest power forwards who ever have lived.  Two men destined for the Hall of Fame for sure, but for now still gracing us with their presence in the National Association for the Advancement of Colored Peoples, or NBA.


I am referring to, of course, Brian Cardinal and Brian Scalabrine.  Both men have had illustrious careers, with Cardinal starting a grand total of 37 games in his career (11 in his magnum opus that was the 2003 Golden State Warriors) and Scalabrine starting 61.  Certainly, both men are equals in height (6'9"), weight (245), and relative whiteness (whipped cream).  As such, the only way to differentiate them is in their statistics and in the most important part of a basketball player, their relative hilariousness.

As of the Mavericks recent win, the two Brians are both NBA champions.  Cardinal, of course, holds the edge here, as he actually appeared in these finals, while Brian Scalabrine managed to win two NBA rings without actually playing in any games.  Cardinal takes the lead for his prolific scoring career as well, averaging 5 PPG on 41% shooting compared to Scalabrine's 3.2 on 39%.  Of course, Scalabrine just looks the part of an NBA star, with his nest of red curls resting on top of his ivory-white skin.  Cardinal, on the other hand, looks like your dad, which explains one of his nicknames, "Your Dad."

Simply put, there is absolutely no way to differentiate these two giants of basketball.  Any team with them is certain to be a powerhouse, much like the unstoppable 2006 Memphis Grizzlies of Cardinal or the powerhouse that was the 2006 Boston Celtics.  Honestly, how could any team lose with these guys on the roster?  Other than, you know, if they made them play in games, because that would certainly cause problems.