NBA In Review: By Thulsa Doom

"Kneel before my might!"

Greetings, and tremble before my almighty power, dear readers.  Recently, my good friend Matt came to me with a request to write for his blog.  At first, this idea seemed awful, as I do not know what a blog is, and could only assume it was some sort of disgusting daemon attempting to wrest power from the almighty emperor that is Thulsa Doom.  After Matt explained to me that a blog was, in fact, just a series of one's thoughts written into vaguel formal paragraphs, I warmed to the idea.  Indeed, I have written similar things in my youth, on the papyrus my parents wrested from the slaves in our house.

Of course, Matt then explained to me that I needed to write about something known as "basketball."  This worried me, as I assumed this was similar to the game my slaves play, in which we decapitate the weakest and throw their still-living heads into a basket of snakes.  Apparently, the sport has changed since my younger years. None the less, after hours of research, I have compiled the major points of this season of the nibba.

Carmelo Anthony Traded: It amazed me that a man with the power to control Carmel would ever be traded.  In fairness, the mountain people have never had quite the guile of us in the plains, explaining why these "Nuggets" would except a lowly foreigner as the jewel of their trade, rather than holding out for actual jewels.  Which would of course be used to buy more concubines for their harem.

Derrick Rose Wins MVP: What a silly man, believing himself to be more valuable than I.  I do not know how his 27 PPG and 7.7 APG will help him once I attack him with the fury of the asp, striking him with the unrelenting power of our lord god Set.

Utah Jazz Fall: Personally, I was sad to see Dread Lord Sloan leave his post.  Sloan and I had been friends since our early years, raping and pillaging thousands of villages merely to satisfy the blood lust of the gods.  Sloan of course chose a different path, as I attained unlimited power, and he attained Thurl Bailey.

The Miami Heat: This Lebron James fellow seems to have mastered my powers, though not the power of being-recognized-by-spellcheck.  Certainly, no man can play at this level and be so hated without having attained the power of the cobra, as I have.  Soon he and I shall become one, ruling the world and riding it of the evils barbarian peoples.

Unfortunately, I must leave now, my puny readers.  It has come to my attention that Conan has attempted to take back the Septre of Amun-Ra.  While this new basket-ball game intrigues me, I must divert my attention to greater matters; mainly, taking over the world.  Doom, AWAY!