As all us fans currently living in states where the NBA is the big thing or, for our Washington fans, is evil incarnate, the basketball season is set to start again soon. This leads us to the most exciting of blog posts: previewing the worst teams in the league!Minnesota Timberwolves
MVP: Kevin "Chubs" Love (11 RPG, 4.9 Win Shares, 14 PPG)
Mohammed Sene Award: Darko Milicic (8 PPG, .6 WS, new 3-yr, $21 million dollar deal)
The Season Ahead: David "Wrath of" Kahn continues to impress everyone, compiling a roster of people who at one point or another were considered to have basketball skill. Corey Brewer is a solid defensive player, though is more or less worthless at offense (-.5 WS, .431 shooting percentage). Furthermore, Kahn has decided to just draft mediocre players from Syracuse, following up Jonny Flynn's OK rookie year (.417 FG%, 3 TOs per game) by bringing in 23 yr old rookie Wesley Johnson to be a backup small forward. Furthermore, Darko Milicic and Nikola Pekovic are the only centers on the roster. Think about that and tell me this team will win games ever.
Vlade Divac Says: The future says is lottery teams for definite!
Detroit Pistons
MVP: Tayshaun Prince (13 PPG, 5 RPG, 3 APG, 1.4 Abe Lincoln Beards)
Mohammed Sene Award: Rip Hamilton ($10 million dollar contract, .437 effective FG%, 2.5 TOs per game)
The Season Ahead: It just started looking a whole lot worth thanks to the loss of Jonas Jerebko, the only real bright spot from last season. Joe Dumars' reputation as a good GM has disintegrated entirely, with overpaid bench players Ben Gordon and Charlie Villaneuva shooting every shot this side of Antoine Walker (.321 and .351 3pt FG%, respectively). Furthermore, past-their-prime guys Rip Hamilton, Tayshaun Prince, and Ben Wallace are barely average nowadays but get to keep on raking in cash thanks to their past contributions, though at least Wallace can still play defense (1.2 steals, 1.2 blocks per game). Finally, Rodney Stuckey's and Jason Maxiell's ceilings were vastly different than what they seemed, with both appearing to be nothing better than bench players (Stuckey shot .228% from 3, Maxiell turns it over almost as much as he rebounds it).
Vlade Divac Says: The Pistons are of the Detroit economics: terriblest!
Sacramento Kings
MVP: Tyreke Evans (Worst jump shot ever, 20 PPG, 5.4 WS, 11 combined APG/RPG)
Mohammed Sene Award: Francisco Garcia ($6 million price tag, 1 WS)
The Season Ahead: Last season, nothing was more infuriating than watching the Kings. Paul Westphal may indeed be the worst coach in all of basketball, yelling at his players and using the worst rotations imaginable. Yes, I only watched for the Husky alums (thank god they're out of Sac-town), but Westphal would throw out 4 forward lineups, no forward lineups, even Kenny Thomas lineups. This team doesn't have that much talent beyond Evans, average-ish Jason Thompson (12 PPG, 8 RPG, 4 WS), and newcomer DeMarcus Cousins, who looks to have put aside his affinity for eating to focus on basketball. However, no amount of talent can overcome Paul Westphal, and as such expect the Kings to be ungodly bad.
Vlade Divac Says: In Sacramento, coach fight you!
Washington Wizards
MVP: ...Kirk... Kirk Hinrich? (11 PPG, 4.5 APG)
Mohammed Sene Award: Gilbert Arenas ($80 million owed, insane, 32% usage despite 1.8 WS)
The Season Ahead: Well it certainly doesn't look good. The highlight of this team is half-season wonder Andray Blatche (2.6 defensive WS, 14 PPG and 6 RPG) and rookie John Wall, who is continually hyped as amazing. Unfortunately, John Wall honestly wasn't that amazing in college and now has to rely on Gilbert Arenas as his mentor. Let's see how that goes. Furthermore, all of this team's talent is in it's point guards, meaning to get their best players on the floor they will play three plays under 6'3". When JaVale McGee is your center, that won't work out. At all.
Vlade Divac Says: Is still have Pervis Ellison? No? Last place are of you.
Toronto Raptors
MVP: Jarrett Jack (5 APG off the bench, 5 WS)
Mohammed Sene Award: Jose Calderon (zero defensive WS, $8 million, seriously ZERO defensive WS)
The Season Ahead: How can any team play this bad of defense? Seriously, Amir Johnson is the only roster play with a defensive WS above 1 from last season. That is unfathomably bad. The Warriors pull random D-Leaguers into their lineup and still play better defense! Anyways, with Chris Bosh gone this team becomes Andrea Bargnani's, and that's not worrisome at all. The man with 1 ROY vote back in the day grabbed 10% of the rebounds available, explaining how a 7-foot center can average only 6 RPG. Beyond Bargnani, you can enjoy the stylings of Linas Kleiza's return to the NBA and rookie Ed Davis' absolute failure that seems sure to come. This team has no chance at anything and would certainly be the worst in the NBA if not for playing in an equally-terrible division.
Vlade Divac Says: Why no take charges? Take charges and to win!
No comments:
Post a Comment