It is the dawn of yet another NHL season, and we here at Unique Sports Theme Name are moderately excited. Sure, the Northwest isn't exactly a huge hockey neighborhood, but that doesn't mean I can't try and convince you otherwise. As such, and in tandem with Kevin's preview, I present to you the five best NHL teams this year, as judged by a man with relatively little hockey knowledge.
Vancouver Canucks
Top Performers: The Flying Sedin Brothers, Ryan Kesler, Roberto Luongo
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish: Michael Grabner, Willie Mitchell, Kyle "The Cookie Monster" Wellwood
Come Stay Awhile: Dan Hamhuis, Keith Ballard, Manny Malhotra
Season Outlook: The Canucks may very well be the deepest team in the NHL, with strong defensive forwards like Raffi "Beluga" Torres and two-time Selke Award finalist Ryan Kesler filling out the lower lines. Scoring depth flows from everywhere as well, with Henrik and Daniel both averaging over 1.3 points a game last year and guys like Mason Raymond (53 points) and Mikael Samuelsson (strangely, also 53 points) providing secondary scoring and grit. Furthermore, the defense is just as deep, with proven NHL players Kevin Bieksa and Ryan Parent filling out the third pairing and strong-if-not-flashy D-men like Keith Ballard, Alex Edler, and Dan Hamhuis shutting down opponents. Unfortunately, without a change in the playoffs, where everyone has played too emotionally and world-class goalie Roberto Luongo has forgotten how to play, this team may not go anywhere. Here's betting that changes.
Fighter Grade (By Bear Type): Rick Rypien, Kodiak Bear.
San Jose Sharks
Top Performers: Joe Thornton, Patrick Marleau, Dany Heatley
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish: Evgeni Nabokov, Manny Malhotra
Come Stay Awhile: Annti Niemi, Antero Nittymaki, Andy Nieieni, Alexander Niteietetii
Outlook: The Sharks have been good long enough that people are starting to overlook them, but they may still be the best team in the NHL. The Sharks have the best line in the NHL by far with Thornton, Marleau, and Heatley all combining to score a bunch and somehow disappoint everyone. The lower lines are filled with energetic youngsters, with Logan Couture, Torrey Mitchell, and Ryane Clowe possibly engerizing the Sharks in a way they never have been. The defensive core isn't too exciting, but Douglas Murray and "Pickles" Vlasic lead a bunch of solid, capable defensemen. In goal, the Sharks have had a big change, losing franchise centerpiece Evgeni Nabokov after about 35 years and replacing him with world champ Annti Niemi and relatively-passable champ Antero Nittymaki. The Sharks probably have as much of a chance at the Cup this year as they ever have had.
Fighter Grade (By Bear Type): Jamal Meyers, Sun Bear.
Philadelphia Flyers
Top Performers: Mike Richards, Jeff Green, Chris "Douche" Pronger, Matt Carle
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish: Simon Gagne, Arron Asham, Lucas Krajicek
Come Stay Awhile: Andrej Meszaros, Nikolai Zherdev (really!?), Jody Shelley
Outlook: This is basically the same team as last year, though it should perform much better in the regular season. Upper echelon players like Mike Richards and Jeff Carter underperformed for much of the season, but look for Carter to be closer to 2009's 46 goals than last year's 33. Furthermore, this team is the most violent, gritty hockey team ever, replacing former goon Arron Asham with the creature from the black lagoon; Jody Shelley. The whole defensive core is strong and features all-stars Chris Pronger, he of three Stanley Cup finals in the last five years, and Matt Carle, he of an extra E on his last name. Braydon Coburn continues to develop into a top talent, and Sean O'Donnell still plays hockey apparently. Unfortunately, NHL teams have to field a goalie, and Michael Leighton and Brian Boucher don't exactly inspire confidence, even after a strong playoff run.
Fighter Grade (By Bear Type): Jody Shelley, Prehistoric bulldog bear.
Washington Capitals
Top Performers: Alexander "Seman" Semin, Mike Green, that other forward.... oh ya! Jason Chimera.
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish: Joe Corvo, Shaone Morrison
Come Stay Awhile: ...Lawrence Nycholat?
Outlook: Again, the Capitals enter the season as an offensive juggernaut with defensive question marks. Everyone seems to be labeling Ovechkin as a choke artist after the Caps shocking playoff loss, but people seem to overlook that Sidney Crosby got knocked out by the same team one round later. As great as Ovechkin is at scoring, Nicklas Backstrom seems to be equally as good at passing, dishing out 135 assists in the past two seasons. Guys like Alexander Semin and Brook Laich have been on the receiving end of many of these passes, helping to elevate them from pretty average to looking great. Unfortunately, the offense is the only strength of these team, as the defense lags far behind with questionable players like John Erskine and Tom Poti expected to actually be useable. For all his offensive value, Mike Green isn't really actually any good at defense, and John Carlson remains an unknown as a rookie despite a very positive outlook for him. Semyon Varlamov has proven himself a strong goaltender in the playoffs, but regular season success is still a bit out of reach for him it seems. Even so, the Caps have an excellent chance at the Cup.
Fighter Grade (By Bear Type): DJ King, Black Bear.
Chicago Blackhawks
Top Performers: Jonathan Toews, Patrick "20 Cent" Kane, Duncan Keith
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish: Dustin Byflugien, Andrew Ladd, Antti Niemi, Ben Eager, Brent Sopel, Colin Fraser, Kris Versteeg, the house, everything except for Brian Campbell unfortunately.
Come Stay Awhile: Viktor Stalberg, Marty Turco (hahahahaha).
Outlook: After a Stanley Cup season, the Blackhawks lost basically every player on the roster thanks to salary problems. Unfortunate yes, but kind of hilarious that a team that has so many bandwagon fans can't turn a profit. Even so, the Blackhawks still have a strong foundation and managed to bring in a lot of fairly promising young players in trades. Toews remains an elite two-way forward, Kane still has offensive upside despite being an incredible douche, and Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook may be the greatest D pairing in hockey. Unfortunately, there isn't really any depth beyond Dave Bolland and Patrick Sharp, along with Marian Hossa's slowly aging skills. The defensive is strong throughout, even if Jordan Hendry is forced to play. Marty Turco was an absolute mess in Dallas the past two seasons and looked worthless; how anyone thinks he will suddenly be an outstanding goalie again is beyond me. Chicago looks like a solid playoff team once again, but definitely not a Cup contender.
Fighter Grade (By Bear Type): Troy Brouwer, Panda Bear.
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